Managing my biggest weakness into being a better leader.

A high performance team is one where things go right. There’s a strong culture and a unified vision.

I think all of us have different criteria but the feeling we experience when on a high performance team is the same.

It’s electric and invigorating. I feel like I’m tapped into some current of energy bigger than myself.

Problems get solved rapidly. People know how to find issues and resolve them.

You feel like you can walk away from an issue and you TRUST that it the team will have it.

This is the Aurora in Bellingham, Washington. Bellingham is where I went to college and it’s a reminder for me of the power of getting the reps in.

If reps are there THEN positive results aren’t a surprise, they are a natural consequence of our efforts.

Ten Years Ago

I’ve been getting the feedback that I am an intense person for my entire adulthood.

I got blessed with an angular features and I grew up in a loud and boisterous family. Volume and self expression was a necessary tool for being heard.

Additionally, I am in tune with my emotions and I am quick to act on them. One of my mentors and I call this our Emotional Impulse Control.

The journey I want to write about today is my progress over the last ten years working on this impulse control and intensity as a leader.

Ten years ago I would react and leverage my volume and words to be heard. If I felt an injustice served I would act and ensure people knew where I was at.

Machiavelli’s The Prince notes about how it’s better to be Feared than Loved if you can’t have both. I think if you’re a poor leader this is true, and unfortunately it works. Poor quality leaders can gain massive success using unethical and emotionally violent tools.

A decade ago I was leveraging my reactivity and intensity to express my vision and propel teams forward.

I would blame, call out less than ideal behaviors, I would use my frustrations to make people feel bad about their actions!

I still have memories of times I raised my voice or said things that I now regret.

Our summer camp director Bucky would always say “words are like a tube of toothpaste. It’s easy to say them and really hard to take them back.”

So ten years ago I did my fair share of squeezing toothpaste and learning that lesson the hard way. Some of this was lack of knowing another way. Some of this was learned behavior from mentors I shouldn’t have looked up to.

In my journey I read books (link book list) and evolved my sense of right and wrong. I learned from better mentors and began to realize that some of t he examples in my life were ones I shouldn’t emulate.

I did years of self work. I built habits. I invested in myself. Over the ten years I spent 6 of them regularly doing therapy and counseling. There was only one year I wasn’t working out consistently. I learned how to regulate my fire. I learned how to name and control my emotions and I learned how to listen.

I met my partner for life! She has taught me more than anyone about emotional control and has been by my side for the last six years.

I trained EQ and Empathy. I built the skills that I am now founding a company around. www.Kestryledge.com.

I learned too much to put in one blog post! Simply, though, I learned how to channel my intensity into being a people-first leader.

I trained my biggest liability and leveraged it into a personal strength that has defined who I am as a leader and made me a respected and reputable manager and leader of high performance teams.

Today

I use my intensity to stand up for my people. I use it to explain the importance of culture, safety, and being there for each other.

It’s not a tool for me it’s a shield and umbrella for my team.

I’m more calm, I can regulate and analyze my reactions and see them for what they are.

I use my communicational skills and emotional awareness to be able to say things that are direct, honest, and caring and I can say them in a way that builds the relationship.

I am a great listener. I can talk to anyone.

People know me as a caring leader who puts the people first over all else.

I channel my intensity to make the work and the lives of my people better.

I am an advocate for improving the systems around the person and can support them to be better than they were yesterday.

The Difference and Training

The difference can be boiled down to emotional regulation and leadership maturity.

Knowing the styles of leadership, their history, and when to use each has been huge.

Knowing my weaknesses as a leader and working on them by training emotional intelligence has been the biggest differentiator of my success in all my roles.

I want more people to be able to leverage the power of emotional intelligence and intentional leadership.

This is a big motivator for why I founded Kestryl Edge.

If you are ready to start your journey, or if you’re on your journey and you’re ready to share it with your team, reach out to us at www.KestrylEdge.com.

Here’s to becoming better every day,

Dan